nothing is going on with me at all. school, hanging out with family/friends is about it. nothing ever happens, and most of the time that's a good thing. (on the sloops note, we should get together sometime soon.)

since i have no real update to provide, i will post a story that i turned in today in imaginitive writing class.

The following is an interview, taken from the North Teefer Times, February 17th, 2001. The interview features former Mafioso and pornographic producer, Don Bonatello, previously believed dead.

Interviewer: Don Bonatello, you were previously thought to have been killed by a member of the Chinese Triads. Why are you now coming forward?

Don Bonatello: Well, a guy can only take so many lies told about him in the papers before he goes crazy, y’know? I figured that if I wanted the truth to come out I would have to tell it myself.

I: Interesting. The Meatsmokers, can you tell me more about that part of your life?

DB: The Meatsmokers was a business venture that just happened to become quite lucrative. I had no idea that people around here were so into porn, y’know. We made the films that people wanted to see.

I: Yes, but everyone wants to know: Why did you choose North Teefer Springs, Texas as the location for a branch of the Italian Mafia?

DB: Like I said, we were here to make beaver pictures, and that’s what we did—end of story.

I: The Meatsmokers enjoyed some mainstream success with Two-by-Four Confessions—a poignant tribute to a former member of the Meatsmokers, Johnny Two-by-Four. What can you tell us about this film?

DB: Well, there isn’t much to tell. Johnny was a good kid, and had some real potential in the business. I was real sad to see him go the way he did.

I: Yes, he committed suicide. There have been a few people within your very organization that claim you drove him to that suicide, would you care to comment on this?

DB: Listen, what Chops DaVinci said is in the past. Johnny Two-by-Four was a class act, and I had nothing but the utmost respect for him. He was like a son to me, and really had an eye for good beaver films. He came up with some of the most innovative camera angles and lighting this industry has ever seen. Why would I drive someone who was making me so much money to suicide? I am a businessman, and I know when I have somethin’ good—Johnny Two-by-Four was somethin’ good.

I: Fair enough. Now, tell me about the last days of the Meatsmokers as a producer of smut. Who decided to bring older gals into the picture and why?

DB: Well, we thought that we’d move in a different direction. Older gals seemed to be the new foot fetish—it was what was in at the time, or so we thought. We had a good run at it, and had some real good times. The old ladies that we had starring in the films were real classy, and we thought we had a good thing. After the third mature film, Grandma, What Big Tits You Have, the people stopped buying any of our films. I can’t say I blame them.

I: Yes, well you were responsible for the creation of the saying “If there’s one thing that merits scorn, it’s jerkin’ your gherkin to granny porn.”

DB: Don’t remind me.

I: Besides the granny porn, of course, if you could do it all over again, would you change anything that happened?

DB: I guess I would save some of the money that the porn was bringing in. Best of the Meatsmoke Diaries III, and A Very, Very Meatsmokin’ XXX-mas made about eighty-grand a piece. I spent most of the money on blow and making more pictures. The older gals stuff cost a lot to make, and made me nothing. I lost everything I had—The cars, women, and blow. Now I’m completely broke, living with my parents in Florida.

I: Well, it is great to see that you have become such a downtrodden shell of a man. I appreciate you speaking with me today.

DB: Thank you.

I: Interviewer’s note: Immediately after the interview, Don Bonatello demanded payment, and was subsequently removed from the building. He continued to call for three days, threatening to sue if he was not paid. We have not heard from him since the last phone call on Jan 25th, 2000. He is reported to be staging a comeback to the beaver industry, rumored to be teaming up with former actor and current porn director, Beef Strappington.